Chapter 9 Good memories vs bad memories

The objective of the rational man is to seek wisdom everywhere. The truth, wisdom can be found everywhere but that does not mean that you find all the time. The greatest lesson that can be learned is the lesson of life. It teaches you all the time, but you are not always attentive or willing to learn. Fortunately, there are memories. The events in your life that actually happened define your personality. For this reason, each of us is unique.

I talked about fear. You should know that most fears arise from childhood. Starting with your parents who scared you with imaginary fears in order to behave. We can say that this is an initial fear. We can also say that the first initial doubt was added. It is somewhat sad that your teachers, namely your parents, really wanted your well-being, but for their own comfort they resorted to a lie. The first big lie: if you are not good, the dark man comes and takes you away, with the alternatives if you don't eat all you won't grow big. It may seem far-fetched, but know that is how you registered that memory as a bad memory and from there you built habits to protect yourself from the recorded threat. From there you built a setting to respect rules and be good. There are many memories that you don't remember. You call them forgotten. But know that they are not forgotten and carefully stored. They are not brought under the investigation of your rational. But the subconscious keeps them all active. And we discuss earlier that the subconscious does almost all the work.

Okay, how do memories help you? Indirectly because they project your future. The future is not influenced by your current decisions. Something has already happened, a construction of yours, of the person who makes the decision. That's why the past defines your future. More precisely, the past has defined your characteristics in decision-making, so the next decision will respect these characteristics recorded in the past. However, you can change the future if you change the past. Any decision of yours becomes the new past, and if your decision departs from previous parameters, then the future begins to be more unpredictable. You can change your past at any time. For this, you must know yourself, know your past, reactivate good and bad memories and understand what you were, how each one changed you, how you developed later and how you can change them now or develop them.

Memories are good and bad. The good ones give you energy, change your mood, fill you with joy, respect, power. To quote an interesting film that hides a lot of wisdom: Harry Potter was taught about the expecto patronum magic. How this magic worked – you looked for a strong memory that made you very happy and invoked the spell. The spell was like a powerful shimmering wave that drove away anything negative and protected you. You can do exactly this kind of magic in reality using a memory that made you feel true happiness, and the condition is that you completely abandon yourself to that memory and eliminate any other thought. Float in the details of the memory.

Maybe not the best example: when you first rode a bike. It appears to you like an aura, you see yourself looking at the handlebars, you see how you moved the pedals, you feel the wind hitting you in front, the pressure you beat to move forward. You have to activate all the details of the memory to fully unfold them. Remember what the sky was like, what colors and shapes the clouds had, what smell was in the air, what was around you, what you saw when you pedaled, whether it was morning or evening, if you met people on the road. Secondarily in your body you memorized every sensation. You memorized the muscle tension, the success of the pedaling, the flexion of your knees, maybe the scratch of your helmet. You have to feel all of this physically to let the memory do its magic.

You have to constantly study your memories. Only through exercise you will bring to the light of reason the hidden details. Only after studying your entire past can you understand who you are, what defines you and why it defines you. At that moment you will realize that the future is your choice. You will see your current future and maybe it will please you, maybe not, but you will have the opportunity to change it at any time.

No matter how easy it seems, I announce to you that it is not. Again you will need the recipe of patience, perseverance and constant analysis with positive and negative, especially if you study the past too much. You risk forgetting the present or not liking it and making hasty decisions. That is precisely why the recommendation is to set off on the path of memories simultaneously in search of positive and negative memories. Number and analyze each memory no matter how it is. See how it can help you, see how it has changed you. What energy can the positive give you or what weight did the negative attach to you and why did it deprive you when you said you would never do something again.

Your memories are actually the essence of your consciousness and what defines you. If you don't think and don't access them, the dust of oblivion will settle over them and it will be difficult for you to bring them to light so that you can use them. Because that is actually their role: to learn from them and use them.

Memories are actually energetic weapons, they are sources of self-respect and self-confidence. When you have bravely faced situations and succeeded – there are lessons that you must never forget.

Living the memory is a completely different thing than understanding the lesson in the memory.

When you start analyzing your baggage, you will discover that the best outlined are the negative ones. Your organism in its greatness tries to help you put it forward, in the analysis, to avoid it in the future. The most common mistake is to stay in the negative emotional state of the memory instead of entering into the advantages of the memory. What did you learn from it, how much strength did it give you, how did you get over it, how did you fight, how did you recover. There are positive aspects in a negative memory because in fact no memory is useless. They are all there for a purpose: to learn about yourself.

You have to look detached from the negative side, from the suffering. To see the reasoning, the decisions, the mistakes, the framework and only at the end the emotions. You have to see things from the perspective of your strength, your adaptability. To be able to say that it was hard but I managed because that's who I am: adaptable, resourceful, patient and with a solid survival instinct. What the world will say about you doesn't matter at all when you know what you are.

Normally, as a memory, the most intense ones are mentally registered much more strongly. It's normal because they are correlated with fears and remembered through avoidance constructions. That's exactly why the negative ones seem stronger. And they are because you haven't remembered the positive ones so many times, you haven't built activities to remember what made you happy. Separately, even if you did the activity that makes you happy, according to your memory, over time it loses its shine and slowly turns into a banal activity. You forget why you do it because it is not dangerous to forget that you were happy. Isn't it? Why do you think you often have negative thinking and a depressive predisposition? Because you record what is negative and forget what is positive. When you draw a line, you discover a clear negative baggage and a positive baggage in the fog, as if it was there, as if I liked doing this or that and you come to the question: what do I like to do? What gives me joy, satisfaction, happiness. That's you trying to balance things without taking into account that you already know a lot of things that make you happy, and now you only find excuses not to do them anymore. Comfort requires sacrifices and takes away from happiness. Comfort is not happiness. Let's take an example in this sense: maybe playing ball games in childhood. You didn't have comfort, only happiness. Now you can't recall the memory for various reasons. That you're no longer in shape - although you forgot that fatter children also came to play. Another excuse - you don't have time - unless someone else makes your schedule, you don't have time. Or: I don't have anywhere to play anymore - seriously? I won't answer here. Maybe you'll say: I don't have anyone to play with - that's a good idea. That's right, you don't have anyone, people prefer comfort, they use the excuse that they've reached an age where they don't play anymore. (Maybe in fact it should be interpreted that they've reached an age where they don't need happiness anymore) These are your friends who choose comfort and urge you to stop with the nonsense and respect the state for nothing. You can make the decision that brings you the greatest benefits. If you don't know what it is, you can take the criterion – the decision that you can tell when you get older, the decision that you do something.

Another question will be about: do you have the right friends? Don't think about it. It's not their fault, it's yours. Because at some point you stopped socializing. You built walls and didn't let anyone get to know you. You stopped meeting new people. That would be a normal thing as a result of negative experiences, disappointments, and inherent betrayals. But this is also a wrong reasoning. If you take into account that all beings change, including you, then how do you make the assumption that new changes will maintain old relationships? Or that changed people will resemble the ones before. People change for better and for worse. Somehow, up until a point, you didn't expect them to change for the worse. Did a friend betray you? In fact, he sought to realize his own interests. He didn't actually betray you because he didn't take an oath or sign a contract with you. Did a friend disappoint you and made mistakes and caused various problems that affected you as well?

Everyone makes mistakes, you and them and me. That they made mistakes and you suffered some of the consequences, on the contrary, as a friend you are it should seem normal to you. Instead, you probably reacted with dignity, paid your debt and then forgot the phone number of the friend responsible for the situation.

We can go on with the reasoning but I think you understand. You asked the world to mentain constant and not to change. You asked this from a world defined by permanent change. It's your mistake. You assume it, you forgive yourself and correct what you did wrong. Is it right that you blocked socializing and stopped meeting new people? You went from friends to acquaintances with whom you are careful and distant and you take care that they don't find out many things about you so that they don't hurt you. However, the conclusion is that you would like to have friends with whom you feel good. We exclude friends with whom you stay together for better and for worse. You want to stay only for better …. When you have problems you prefer to rely on yourself and that's it and they do the same... Honorable but without perspective. Without perspective because every time you accept a new friend you force yourself to adapt a little. It forces you to become better and you want to be comfortable. Change means adaptation and you practically give up adaptation.

Any memory shared with someone you have lived with is a magical thing. Practically a part of your essence and the other person's is common (memories define what you are and who you are).

Let's talk a little about the losses of loved ones because it is related to this topic of the removal of friends. Loved ones never disappear but remain in your memories as they were then. They never leave you if you don't forget what memories you made together. Commemorations are for this purpose. For remembrance. The absence or disappearance of loved ones means that you can no longer add another memory to the existing ones. But what was will not be erased from your heart by anyone.

The pain of loss appears much more intense if you isolate yourself like everyone else does. Let's do a cold and mathematical calculation. You lose a good friend and all your friends are 4. If you had 30 good friends instead of 4 then the loss will not be felt extremely. Why? not only as a number but also as a shared memory. Your love divided equally among a large number of friends is less affected. Also, shared suffering and shared memories work with greater force to move forward. If you are left with 3 friends you have lost 25% of the total affection and of your team and separately you start to think that you have so little left and maybe your end is approaching. Negative, gloomy thinking that casts a stain on life. I hope I was explicit enough and you understood the consequence of your decision to isolate. Maybe we'll revisit this important topic, for the moment let's see the advice and the moral law we get: trying to protect yourself from suffering, you've closed your paths. Trying not to be disappointed, you've loved less and less, and a loss takes away from your soul and heart instead of taking away from what you've built over.

Beautiful memories are built with other people. They don't have to be the same people, but you have to make an effort to develop relationships so you can make memories. No one is forced to do this, raise the pressure, let go the criteria, and let different people become your friends at the same time that you try to be their friend.

Also love as much as possible. Preferably as many beings as possible. That they are people, that they are pets, that they are trees that you talk to, it doesn't matter. What matters is to have a soul and heart full of love, not just for one person. For one person, it's called addiction.