Chapter 9 Good memories vs bad memories
Life as a continuous lesson in wisdom
The goal of a rational person is to seek wisdom. The truth is that wisdom can exist everywhere, but that doesn't mean it actually does. The greatest lesson from which wisdom can be extracted is the lesson of life. It teaches you all the time, only you aren't always paying attention or willing to learn. Fortunately, there are memories. The events that happened in your life actually define your personality. This is precisely why each of us is unique.
The roots of our childhood fears
We have talked about fear. Know that most fears originate in childhood, starting with parents scaring you with something so you would behave. We could call this a type of initial fear. Along with this, the first initial doubt was also added. It is somewhat sad that your teachers—namely, your parents—truly wanted what was best for you, but for their own comfort, they resorted to a lie.
The mark left by little lies
The first big lie: "If you don't behave, the Boogeyman will come and get you," with alternatives like, "If you don't eat everything, you won't grow big."
It might seem distant, but know that you recorded that memory as a bad memory and built habits from it to protect yourself from the recorded threat. From there, you built a setting to follow rules and be "good." There are many memories you don't recall. You call them forgotten.
The power of memories stored in the subconscious
But know that they aren't forgotten; they are carefully stored. They aren't brought under the investigation of your rational mind. However, the subconscious keeps them all active. Well, now let's see how memories help you. Indirectly, because they project your future. The future is not influenced by your current decisions alone. Something has already happened—the construction of you, the person making the decision. That is why the past defines your future.
Change your past to shape your future
More precisely, the past defined your decision-making traits; therefore, the next decision will follow these traits recorded in the past. However, you can change the future if you change the past. Any decision of yours becomes the new past, and if your decision breaks previous parameters, then the future starts to be more unpredictable. You can change your past at any time and any hour.
The journey toward self-knowledge
For this, you must know yourself, know your past, reactivate both good and bad memories and understand them—see who you were, how each one changed you, how you developed afterward, and how you can change or develop them now.
The magic of memories
The inner power of moments of happiness
Memories are good and bad. The good ones give you energy, change your mood, and fill you with joy, respect, and power. To quote an interesting movie that hides much wisdom: Harry Potter was taught about the magic of Expecto Patronum. How did this magic work? You would look for a powerful memory that made you very happy and invoke the spell. The spell was like a powerful, shimmering wave that chased away everything negative and protected you.
Create your own shield of light
You can perform exactly this kind of magic in reality using a memory that made you feel true happiness, provided you surrender completely to that memory and eliminate every other thought. Float in the details of the memory. Perhaps not the best example: when you first rode a bike. It appears to you like an aura; you see yourself looking at the handlebars, you see how you moved the pedals, you feel the wind hitting your face, and the pressure you used to push yourself forward.
Rediscovering every lost sensation
You must activate all the details of the memory, unpacking them completely. Remember how the sky was, what colors and shapes the clouds had, what scent was in the air, what was around you, what you saw as you pedaled, whether it was morning or evening, and if you met people on the road.
Secondly, your body has memorized every sensation. You memorized the muscle tension, the success of pedaling, the flexing of the knees, perhaps even the scratch from the helmet.
Your future begins with the analysis of the past
You must feel all of these physically to let the memory work its magic. You must constantly study your memories. Only through exercise will you bring the ones that are hiding into the light of the rational mind. Only after you study your entire past can you understand who you are, what defines you, and why. At that moment, you will realize that the future is your choice. You will see your current future, and perhaps it will satisfy you, perhaps not, but you will have the possibility to change it at any time.
The art of using memories: How to turn your past into a source of power
A balanced analysis of past experiences
No matter how easy it seems, I'm telling you it isn't. Again, you will need the recipe of patience, perseverance, and constancy with positive and negative analysis, especially if you study the past too much. You risk forgetting the present or disliking it and making hasty decisions. That is precisely why the recommendation is to set out on the path of memories by searching for both positive and negative ones at the same time. Number and analyze each memory, regardless of what it's like. See how it can help you, see how it changed you.
How does the past shape us?
What energy the positive one can give you, or what weight the negative one has attached to you and what it deprived you of when you said you'd never do something again. Your memories are, in fact, the essence of your consciousness and what defines you. If you don't think about them and access them, the dust of forgetting will settle over them, and it will be hard to bring them back into the light to use them. Because, in fact, that is their role: to learn from them and use them.
You have the power within you to learn
Memories are, in fact, energetic weapons; they are sources of self-respect and self-confidence. When you bravely faced situations and succeeded—those are lessons you must never forget. Experiencing a memory is a totally different thing from understanding the lesson within it. When you start analyzing your baggage, you will discover that the negative ones are the most clearly defined. Your organism, in its greatness, tries to help you by bringing them to the forefront of your analysis so you can avoid them in the future.
Treasures hidden in the shadow of difficult memories
The most frequent error is staying in the negative emotional state of the memory instead of moving into its advantages. What you learned from it, how much strength it gave you, how you got through it, how you fought, and how you recovered. These are the positive aspects of a negative memory because, in fact, no memory is useless. They are all there for a purpose: to learn about yourself. You must look at them detached from the negative side, from the suffering.
A foundation stone for the fortress of your own strength
See the reasoning, the decisions, the mistakes, the context, and only at the end, the emotions. You must see things from the perspective of your strength and adaptability. To be able to say it was hard, but I managed, because that's who I am: adaptable, resourceful, patient, and with a solid survival instinct. What the world says about you doesn't matter at all when you know who you are.
Erased or forgotten memories
The mechanism of memory recording
Normally, as memories, the most intense ones are recorded much more strongly in the mind. It's normal because they are linked to fears and recalled through avoidance patterns. That is precisely why negative ones seem stronger. And they are, because you haven't recalled the positive ones as often; you haven't built activities to remember what made you happy. Separately, even if you've done the activity that makes you happy, according to the memory, it loses its shine over time and, little by little, turns into a mundane activity. You forget why you still do it because it's not dangerous to forget that you were happy.
Why do we remember more easily what hurts us?
Is it not? Why do you think you often have negative thoughts and a depressive predisposition? Because you record what is negative and forget what is positive. When you draw the line, you discover a clear negative baggage and a positive baggage that is in a fog; it's as if it was there, as if I liked doing this or that, and you reach the question: what do I actually like to do? What gives me joy, satisfaction, happiness? This is you, trying to balance things without considering that you already know a lot of things that make you happy, but now you only find excuses not to do them anymore.
You already have everything you need to be happy
Comfort demands sacrifices and takes away from happiness. Comfort is not happiness. Let's take an example: playing ball games in childhood. You didn't have comfort, only happiness. Now, you can't recreate the memory for various reasons. That you are no longer in shape—even though you've forgotten that even chubbier kids used to come out to play. Another excuse—you don't have time—you only lack time if someone else makes your schedule. Or: "I have nowhere to play"—seriously? I won't even answer that here.
Hide and seek with your own joy
Maybe you'll say: "I have no one to play with"—that's a good thought. It's true, you don't; people prefer comfort, using the excuse that they've reached an age where they no longer play. (Perhaps, in fact, it should be interpreted that they've reached an age where they no longer need happiness). These are your friends, who choose comfort and urge you to stop this nonsense and respect "doing nothing." You can make the decision that brings you the greatest benefits. If you don't know which one it is, you can use this criterion—the decision you can tell a story about when you grow old, the decision where you actually do something.
Erased or forgotten memories – continued –
Personal responsibility in relationships with others
Another question will be: do you have the right friends? Don't think about that. It's not their fault; it's yours. Because at some point, you stopped socializing. You built walls and stopped letting anyone get to know you. You stopped meeting new people. This might seem like a normal thing as a result of negative experiences, disappointments, and inherent betrayals. But this reasoning is also wrong.
How can we demand constancy in a world of change?
If you consider that all beings change, including you, then why do you assume that new changes will maintain old relationships? Or that people who have changed will be like they were before? People change for both better and worse. Somehow, up until a certain point, you didn't expect them to change for the worse. Did a friend betray you? In reality, they were just pursuing their own interests. They didn't actually betray you; after all, they hadn't sworn an oath or signed a contract with you.
You have the power to forgive yourself and rebuild bridges
Did people who made mistakes or caused problems that affected you disappoint you? Everyone makes mistakes—you, them, and me. If they messed up and you suffered some of the consequences, as a friend, that should actually seem normal to you. Instead, you probably reacted with dignity, paid your dues, and then forgot the phone number of the friend responsible for the situation. We could go on with the reasoning, but I think you get the point.
Embracing the magic of a shared essence
You asked the world for constancy and for things not to change. You asked this of a world defined by permanent change. That is your mistake. Own it, forgive yourself, and fix what you got wrong. Is it right that you blocked socializing and stopped meeting new people? You moved from having friends to having acquaintances with whom you are careful and distant, making sure they don't find out too much about you so they can't hurt you. Still, your conclusion is that you would like to have friends you feel good with. But you exclude friends who stand by you through thick and thin. Only through the good times... When you have problems, you prefer to rely only on yourself, and expect them to do the same... Honorable, but without perspective.
Without perspective?
Without perspective because every time you accept a new friend, you force yourself to adapt a little. It forces you to become better, and you just want to be comfortable. Change means adaptation, and you are basically giving up on adapting. Any memory shared with someone you lived it with is a magical thing. Practically, a part of your essence and that of the other person is shared (memories define what and who you are).
Never-forgotten memories: How to overcome isolation through the power of love
The eternal bond through the power of memory
Let's also talk a bit about the loss of loved ones, as it relates to this subject of distancing oneself from friends. Loved ones never truly disappear; they remain in your memories exactly as they were then. They never leave you as long as you do not forget the memories you created together. Commemorations serve this very purpose: for remembrance. The absence or passing of dear beings means you can no longer add new memories to the existing ones. But no one can erase what has already been from your heart.
How can we heal pain through community?
The suffering of loss is felt much more intensely if you isolate yourself, as most people do. Let's do a cold, mathematical calculation. You lose a good friend, and you only have 4 friends in total. If you had 30 good friends instead of 4, the loss would not be felt as extremely. Why? Not just because of the number, but because of the shared memory. Your love, shared equally among a large number of friends, is less impacted. Additionally, shared suffering and shared memories work with greater force to move forward.
Your heart deserves to be open and protected
If you are left with only 3 friends, you have lost 25% of your total affection and your team; separately, you begin to think that so few of you are left and that perhaps your own end is near. This is gloomy, negative thinking that casts a stain on life. I hope I have been explicit enough and that you understand the consequence of your decision to isolate. We might revisit this important topic; for now, let's look at the advice and moral we gain: by trying to protect yourself from suffering, you have closed off your own paths.
The garden of the soul cultivated with love
In trying not to be disappointed, you have loved less and less, and a loss takes from your soul and heart instead of taking from what you have built on top. Beautiful memories are built alongside other people. They don't have to be the same people, but you must put in the effort to develop relationships so you can create memories. No one is forced to do this; take the pressure off, lower your criteria, and let diverse people become your friends while you simultaneously try to be a friend to them.
Is unconditional love the key to freedom?
Also, love as much as possible. Preferably as many beings as possible. Whether they are humans, pets, or trees you talk to, it doesn't matter. What matters is having a soul and heart full of love, not just for a single person. For a single person, it is called dependency...
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