Chapter 10 - The New - A Constant Search
The necessity of novelty in daily life
Regardless of who you are, what your purpose is, what responsibilities you have, or what you like or dislike, the search for the element of "new" must be mandatory and constant. Throughout life, every person tends to seek comfort, to eliminate what they did wrong, and to limit themselves to activities they know and where they won't encounter unpleasant surprises. When something bad happens in a familiar activity, they simply toss it aside along with other eliminated activities, without taking anything else into account.
Have you ever wondered how many doors you've closed out of fear?
Do you find yourself here as well? Do you know how many things you have stopped doing because of unpleasant situations? In essence, this is not a benefit; it is not the correction of an error, but a punishment. You have punished yourself with the current formula: "I am never allowed to do this again." Well, perhaps your expression was more elegant: "Rather than doing that, I'd better choose to do anything else. Who knows what might happen this time. If it happens just like last time…".
Have the courage to give yourself a new chance
It is time to forgive yourself. It is time to realize that every adventure is entirely unrepeatable. It is time to trust yourself. I am going to give you an example, but I ask that you do exactly as I request, because it is part of the exercise. Fill a bottle with hot water. Tighten the cap well so it doesn't leak. Wrap the bottle in a towel and hold it on your abdomen for a few minutes. While it takes effect, we will continue the reasoning about the "new." Take great care not to burn yourself, yet still enjoy the warmth.
The ashes that leave room for a clean horizon
Let's return to forgiveness. Forgiveness is within your reach, and only you can grant it. Inner peace starts here—from the balance between the forces existing inside you, and this is achieved only through forgiveness and acceptance. Take a piece of paper, write down the mistakes you have made over time, and then burn it. Accept yourself, love yourself, and forgive yourself. The moment the paper has burned completely, do not even mention past mistakes again. Let it be a closed subject forever.
Learning and relearning
The cognitive process of adapting to novelty
After you have made peace with yourself, think about what you have stopped doing because of the causes you established. Did those activities bring you pleasure? Did they have an element of novelty or unpredictability? Any element of novelty creates new connections in your brain in the great process of learning that should last a lifetime. Once you have gone through a new situation, you have already gained experience and completed the necessary tasks (better or worse). The more intense the new experience was, the more strongly you recorded a solution and an adaptation technique.
Can boredom heal an old trauma?
You repeat the new experience a few times or dozens of times, and you will notice that things become a reflex and a slight monotony. You repeat it a few more times or dozens of times, and you are already bored with the activity that was once new and pleasant. You know this is true, don't you? Then why do you doubt that reliving a traumatic experience a few times or dozens of times will follow the same path? Changing from trauma to disgust, monotony, and eventually boredom.
You are already the master of your own story
Once you have gone through the experience, you have already acquired the qualities to get through it. The second time, you already know what to expect; there are no more surprises to catch you off guard. Are you waiting for the right answer? In fact, you are only thinking about the bad part of the trauma, emphasizing the suffering and diminishing your patience. You emphasize the agony and diminish your power to fight and move on. Oh, yes, surely you could have handled it better; you could have found a better solution. However, you managed, and now you can tell the story.
Yesterday's apprentice versus today's veteran
If you hadn't managed everything you did then, you wouldn't be reading these lines now. In fact, you no longer trust yourself, do you? You don't trust that you can handle it if that situation arises again. Even though from then until now you have accumulated knowledge, reflexes, and experience. So you know more, you have more experience, and yet you believe that your past self was a better version than you are now. Your conclusion would be that your current version, which is better and more experienced, is weaker than the old version. Do you understand where the error in your reasoning lies?
The water bottle lesson: How to transform your fears into unwavering confidence
Recognizing your inner strength
Let's return to the hot water bottle for a moment. You can look at it and be proud of yourself. Why? Because it is proof that you trust yourself. It is a bottle containing a hot liquid, dangerous to you. You were mindful of the danger the entire time, but you never once doubted yourself while handling it. You knew you wouldn't remove the cap because you trust yourself. You knew you would pull it away if it burned too much, because you trust yourself to protect yourself.
Have you considered that your own care is, in fact, proof of control?
Thus, you thought only about the warmth it emits and didn't think: "Will it burn me?". You should be proud of yourself and realize that you have great self-confidence. There are so many things you do because you trust yourself and they seem easy to you. The hot water bottle says so much. For example, your fears are actually thoughts of preparation. You think about a situation to eliminate variables and elements that might surprise you.
You hold in your hands the power to release any anticipated suffering
You can choose not to think and say: "I will handle it when it happens, if it happens," or you can charge yourself negatively by thinking again and again about future situations. The bottle is hot and will burn you if you put your hand on it; however, if it burns too much, you can lift your hand and stop the discomfort. If the bottle were to break and you were burned, the pain would not compare to the slight burn you feel when you touch the bottle. If it were to break, you would no longer be able to stop the pain, the suffering, the discomfort.
The shadow of the mental burn versus the reality of fire
It is the same with negative thoughts. It is useless to hold onto a thought about suffering just so it won't shock you when it happens. The burn of the thought will never compare to the accomplished fact. So, it is pointless to prepare for a difficult situation that might happen. Nothing compares to reality—what you will feel then: the pain, the suffering. Thinking about what bad things are coming is just a waste of time and energy, and a negative burden.
The lesson of the present as a priceless gift
I have known people who were terrified by the thought of losing their loved ones. They tried to distance themselves from them so they wouldn't suffer as much when the time came. I told them: "Why do you touch it (the fire) every day?" Do you think it will be easier for you when you actually get burned? Are you giving up memories you can still build today with your loved ones for nothing? It is for nothing, because regardless of what you do, you will suffer then, and that suffering will be beyond comparison. Instead of living every day, you are waiting for hardships and problems.
What would happen if you let the future remain a mystery?
And guess what: they will come; you will suffer, you will struggle, you will rise, or you will fall. But only then, not now. A beloved animated film said: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." The bottle system can be applied to very many negative thoughts. Perhaps even to all of them if you consider that through your actions, you either tighten or loosen the cap.
Trust the hand that knows how to tighten the safety cap
Do you smoke? With every cigarette, you have loosened the cap a bit more. Do you exercise? The cap has been tightened a bit. Do you eat junk food? Again, you have loosened the cap. Do you follow a preventive diet? Again, you have tightened the cap. Just remember that you can loosen the cap until it comes off the threads, and then you get burned. And you cannot know how much thread is left before it falls... Apply this to fears of various diseases. If the cap has fallen, it means you have fallen ill. If you have tightened the cap, it means the chances of getting sick decrease.
The fragile thread between protection and destiny
Say what worries you and see how you can tighten the cap, and on the other hand, what you are doing to loosen it. The good part is that you trust yourself. You proved this to me after you went through the hot water bottle experience. If you trust yourself, then you must try new things. New things can be good or bad, depending on which angle you view them from, but all of them—absolutely all of them—bring you benefits in learning, adaptation, and knowledge.
Reasoning to try
The flexibility and resilience of the human being
Humans are like a piece of clay. The more you knead it, push it, and press it, the more elastic and pliable it becomes. More accurately: adaptable. Conversely, if you don't expose it and keep it doing nothing, it becomes hard and rigid. Life has a habit of hitting you. You know this, and if you don't, you will find out. If you strike a hardened piece of clay, it will shatter into pieces. If you strike soft, elastic clay, it will only change its shape, but it will not break.
Have you wondered what happens to the clay?
What matters in life is how much you can take and rise afterward. If you break into pieces, it becomes impossible to pull yourself back together. This is the role of the "new" in your life. Only this prepares you for the shocks to come; only this makes you stronger. Because strength lies in flexibility and adaptation. Seeking the new requires effort, it requires you to trust yourself, and it stands in conflict with comfort.
Trust the beautiful path unfolding before you
Comfort is the fear of losing what you have, extended through negative experiences to everything you possess. You don't lose what you had; you change it. You change yourself into a better version. To what extent? That is your choice within the great nature of creation. Do not hesitate to set out on the path destined for you. It is an unknown path because all your decisions change it every moment, but it is a beautiful one. Facing the new requires courage; it requires taking risks.
Sculpting your mind in the colors of the forgotten new
You may end up in good or bad situations, but if you don't try, you have no way of knowing. What does "the new" actually mean? Experiences of the new fall into two categories: the unique and unexplored new, and the forgotten new. The forgotten new refers to what you used to do many years ago and, over time, forgot or refused to remember for various reasons. Giving up on your memory is like giving up a part of yourself.
Keep the whole picture of your soul intact
Let's say a small part, but still a part of you. Physically, would you give up something of yourself? A finger or perhaps a nail? I assume the answer is no. Then why not make the choice to keep your mind whole as well? Why give up a part of yourself? The advantage of the forgotten new is that not many new variables appear; you don't create many scenarios about what might happen. Because it is a familiar activity, even if forgotten.
What would happen if you looked only for the good in the shadow of the unknown?
As a small side note, have you ever tried to look for everything that might go well in an activity? I'm sure you've tried to imagine everything that could go wrong, but have you looked for the other possibility? Try it, especially in the situation of the absolute and unexplored new. Outside is a world full of opportunities, beauties, and mysteries—or outside is a world full of dangers and misery; they actually refer to the same thing.
In fact, it is not a "thing," but a ratio. It is a ratio of the world seen through your eyes. You don't realize that you are negatively charged, and that's why you see the dangers as greater than the benefits. You see the glass half empty instead of seeing that it is half full.
To understand heat, you must learn cold
The mechanism of energy balancing between extremes
Positive energy balancing, which we have discussed in previous chapters, but which we will refer to again as it is very important. You must fight against permanent negativity. Other people will try to pull you into the darkness along with them, but you must remain in the light. Light means the balance between positive and negative. To do this, you must be aware of everything you experience and divide the negative into one side and the positive into the other.
Can we find joy if we don't know its absence?
Separately, you must establish a set of positive things to recharge you when you need it, and here we find the true role of hobbies and passions. Doing what you love most recharges you and balances the negative-positive ratio. Notice that I refer to the term "balancing." This implies not just doing activities you like, because an imbalance can also occur through too much positive compared to negative. If this seems strange, let's continue the reasoning to clarify.
It is worth waiting for the joy of every success
If you only do what you like and what energizes you, you will, over time—quickly or slowly—transform that activity from energizing to monotonous, boring, and neutral. Without the joy of anticipation and always being in the same frame of mind, and also by always repeating the activity, you will spoil a wonderful and energetic thing. Perhaps you remember the joy with which you waited for vacation when you were in school. Do you know why vacation was so beautiful? Because school existed.
The dance of shadows that gives brilliance to the light
If school didn't exist, vacation would become something permanent in which you didn't have much to do and which bored you. Likewise, do you know how good water is when you are actually thirsty? If you always have drinking water, it has no taste, right? Try going for a few hours thinking about the fact that you don't have water with you—mental preparation is everything. You think about what you want, and the longer the wait, the greater the savor when it is finally achieved.
The infinite circle of necessary contrasts
All things follow the same circle. If you didn't see a clear sky for a few days, you would appreciate the sun and the blue when they reappear. If you only had clear skies, you would look at it bored and uninterested. The truth is that without the negative, you cannot emphasize the positive.
Rebirth
Maintaining the balance between light and shadow
Let's return to energetic activity. Now you understand why it's good to enjoy it in limited amounts and only from time to time. Likewise, it's good to see the negative as well, so that you can appreciate the positive. You must constantly concern yourself with this positive/negative balance, especially regarding the sad or pseudo-sad side that attracts you. I say "pseudo-sad" because, in fact, sadness is the moment of recovery after a suffering that has made you stronger. Your subconscious knows this; that is precisely why it understands it as a rebirth.
How can we break the walls of a routine?
The requirement for rebirth arises when you have closed a circle of activities and no longer engage in new ones. When everything in your life repeats itself and activities no longer give you any satisfaction. This is an important point for eliminating the depressive loop. If you add the fear of new activities to the indifference toward old ones, you will begin to wonder what you are living for—as if, in fact, you have experienced everything and done everything. But you haven't experienced everything.
See the world in new colors
On the contrary, here you lie to yourself about new activities—thinking that nothing can be different and that everything is the same. In reality, you avoid practicing them because you are afraid of losing, and you risk losing yourself. This negative state is, nonetheless, a state of intense consciousness in which you, as a human being, are seeking answers and objectives. This state of intense consciousness is produced by your body for the purpose of balancing the spirit. As I was saying, you see better, hear better, feel better, and yet you do not use your senses.
A fresh painting on the canvas of old senses
You don't realize that sharpening your senses changes everything. It makes the sky more colorful, more beautiful; scents become more intense or more subtle, and sounds more playful. It is actually the "forgotten new," but in a different form. It is a kind of recolored new. It was always there, but it had other, more faded colors, a different fragrance, and perhaps a different shape. However, it is easy to get out of this loop. You just have to try something truly new. Choose and act without thinking twice. You only need to think once, because, in the end, memories are created by you through your decisions. So, it is recommended to think once before you do it.
Write your story
Learning as a gateway to the forgotten new
Another joy available to you for reclaiming the "forgotten new" is learning. Learn something new about a tree you pass by. How it blooms, how it bears fruit, how it pollinates, or whether you can make tea from its flowers; perhaps its bark heals wounds or, if there are several trees, you learn that if one is attacked, they all secrete defensive substances. And then you begin to wonder: is the tree truly alive? And if it is alive, can I talk to it?
Listen to the whispers of nature around you?
Ask it what it is like to be a tree? Does the wind whisper through the leaves, or did the little tree answer? You aren't far from the truth; you can talk to a tree, but it remains to be seen if the tree wishes to talk to you. Perhaps it prefers to remain silent and observe you for a while. Why? Because it doesn't know you. If a stranger came up to you and started telling you a bunch of things, would you start talking to them as if you were old friends?
Surround yourself with people who feed your soul, not just your curiosity
In the same way, the tree might need time. Time to know you. Time to listen to you. After a while, maybe it will want to talk to you. You can only find this out if you try. Thus, we've found a new activity—talking to a tree every day. Maybe at some point, it will answer you…. If you think about doing this, but the thought of what your friends would say holds you back, perhaps you don't have the right friends.
The open windows of your inner castle
Maybe you should evaluate them to see if they are friends, acquaintances, or simply people you know. Because a friend cares about you, seeks to help you, and understands you. If you told them you were going to talk to a tree, they would probably ask "why?". If you answered that talking to a tree calms you, that would be enough for a true friend. I opened this side of the discussion because, for a new activity, people usually prefer to be accompanied by someone they know.
A bridge of courage
Out of fear, but also for the shared experience. It is both good and bad. In fact, this is the perfect element that encompasses both the negative and the positive. So, take a friend with you to that activity, but be careful—if you take the same friend to every activity, you are actually raising walls against others. Walls have two perspectives: they keep others away from you, but if you look closer, walls actually keep you locked in. Build a castle with high walls, but leave doors and windows. Let your soul and heart be seen. It helps you be free and do what you feel and want. Because walls are made of fear and for protection. If you allow access, you don't just let things in; you let them out. This, in fact, makes you the master of the castle and not its prisoner.
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